


Familiar Romance

by OakenDurinsons



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 03:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20351695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OakenDurinsons/pseuds/OakenDurinsons
Summary: Nandor and Guillermo are actually in a committed relationship but they're hiding it from the cameras because of his conservative catholic family. Nandor also dresses more casually off-camera.





	1. Chapter 1

~Ten Years Ago~

Guillermo noticed the tall middle-eastern man following him. This wasn't the first time this had happened. For the past two weeks walking home from work at night, he had the uneasy feeling he was being watched. Whether he wanted his wallet, or something more sinister, Guillermo was unsure. 

His stalker was wearing slacks, a button up shirt, dress shoes and a long trench coat, with his hair in a neat bun and a dark, full beard. Guillermo only got a good look at him once, when he about-faced. Guillermo made eye contact with the man, giving him the biggest "fuck off" look that he had practiced all of his life. The man, startled, disappeared into smoke. He wasn't even sure that he was real.

This time, Guillermo had enough. He was tired of dreading the end of his shift, as if working at Party City wasn't enough. The man made it a habit to follow Guillermo the entire 30 minute walk home, and he was sick of it. Guillermo went out and purchased a taser earlier that day, and made it his mission to confront the man. 

As he was counting the register he saw the man sitting on a park bench, acting like he was waiting for a bus. Guillermo noticed that he never used his phone or listened to music. He was his only focus. Like clockwork, the second Guillermo locked the door he felt eyes on the back of his head. Wanting to make the man lower his guard, he placed an earbud in one ear, leaving one free to listen for anything alarming. With Britney Spear's "toxic" on the lowest volume setting Guillermo shouldered his bag and started the stressful walk home. 

Guillermo heard the man walking closer to him than usual, the heels of his dress shoes tapping on the sidewalk. While the point of the evening was to confront the man, Guillermo didn't want to face him until he was at his yard. Really, it was his abuela's yard, but still. He didn't tell her about the man because he was afraid she'd be worried. And if the man was simply an awkward admirer, he didn't want his abuela knowing about him. To keep the man at bay until he saw the house, Guillermo walked under lamp posts and close to other people on the street when he could. 

When Guillermo was only a few blocks away, he spotted a group of young men dressed in loose fitting clothes and tank tops. They spoke in Spanglish, and he noticed that they were mocking him as he got closer. 

Since Halloween was approaching, Guillermo was required to wear a costume to work. His most well-worn costume was his Armand costume from "Interview with a Vampire", sans the wig and fangs. He loved this costume, but he knew that as a gay hispanic man in public he would gather a lot of attention. By their bandanas and their accent he could tell that they were members of the Puerto Rican gang that frequented his neighborhood. While they usually left his family alone, a few new recruits would get bold and bother them since his father died. He saw that many of them had guns on their hips, and the younger ones had switchblades they were playing with.

His father taught him that when men like this paid attention to you, never show fear. Guillermo fought every instinct to move to the other side of the street, he carried on, turning the music on his headphones all the way off and putting them away, showing them that he wasn't trying to ignore them but facing them head-on. These men were more of a threat than the man following him. He stood up a little straighter and set his face the way he was taught, alert but emotionless. They started spitting slurs out at him, but he could see his house. He held himself back from speeding up his pace; once he showed these men fear he would be a target for the rest of his life. 

"Hey bitch," one of the men shouted from behind him. "Don't you look a little fancy to be walking alone at night?" The man started to chuckle as Guillermo continued to walk. One of the men stepped out in front of him, blocking his path. The man had one of his switchblades pulled out, holding it about waist high. This showed that he wasn't necessarily looking to use it, but wanted to scare Guillermo.

"Fag. He was talking to you." He started raising the knife up to Guillermo's throat. Maybe he was wanting to use it. 

Guillermo was thinking about the taser in his bag. While it would work against one of these men, it wasn't enough to take down six. By the time he had it out he would have either a knife or a bullet in him. 

"What do you want," Guillermo said in his most annoyed voice. If he was going to die, he was going to die petty. 

"Oooh! The little lady has a mouth on her!" The man with the knife said. He lowered the knife to Guillermo's groin, resting it against him. "Give me your wallet or I'll make you a woman,"

"Okay, okay, be reasonable, let me get it," Guillermo knew he was going to die. But that's better than living in fear. He felt the rubber grip on the taser and began to pull it out, when he heard his stalker's thick accent behind him.

"Boys! This is no way for warriors to act. So cowardly," the man said, walking into the middle of the group. His voice seemed to be nervous but goofy, but he didn't seem to realize how much of a threat this confrontation was. Guillermo couldn't believe his luck. Not only was he going to get killed, he was going to take his stalker down with him.

"What did you say, you Indian motherfucker?" The man with the knife lowered it and put it away, instead placing his hand on his back pocket where his gun was. 

"Ah, ah, ah! Not Indian! Quolanudarian!" He had his hands on his hips, leaning forward like a middle-aged man scolding a group of boisterous teenagers. "I'm Nandor the Relentless. It's a pleasure to meet you!" Nandor reached out with a hand, as if expecting this to evolve into friendly chit-chat. All of the thugs seemed to be surprised by this man's silly demeanor. The leader of the group raised his gun to Nandor's chest while the rest drew their's and pointed them at the ground, waiting for his signal.

"Who gives a fuck. Give us your money or you'll end up like Dracula over there. Like the little lady he is,"

Guillermo realized that no one was looking at him anymore. His odds weren't much better, but he owed it to this "Nandor" to at least try, for the both of them. Now was his chance. Pulling out his taser, he reached out and tased the leader of the group. The man cried out, spasming and falling to the ground.

Guillermo heard a gunshot, and realized how foolish he had been. In his tensing, the thug pulled the trigger, shooting Nandor in the shoulder. Unphased, he touched the wound, his hand untouched by blood. The gang members looked at him in shock, not sure what to do. Nandor looked up, his hair wild and eyes red, fangs shining in the lamp light.

"Now you've pissed me off, you cowards," The man hissed, levitating off the ground. In a flash, he was throwing the men into the air and ripping out their throats. All Guillermo could do was watch in fear and awe as Nandor completed his twisted dance. Their screams filled the air as Nandor cackled. Guillermo never felt so safe. And it terrified him.

Finally, Nandor, blood dripping like fruit juice down his chin and onto his shirt, descended upon the incapacitated leader of the group. He looked up at Guillermo as he hunched over the man, one hand pulling his hair to expose his neck. 

"How should we kill him?" He said with an eyebrow raised and a smile on his face. When he grinned his smile was so big you almost couldn't see his eyes. Guillermo felt that he had deserved the right to be petty.

"Cut off his balls."

Nandor chuckled and grabbed a switchblade.

"This'll be fun!" he chirped.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guillermo figures out why Nandor was following him.

Guillermo sat down on a bench near his home, the adrenaline from his confrontation wearing off. The blood from his attackers had spattered his horn-rimmed glasses, and he was trying desperately to clean them.

"Here let me!" chirped a polite, well-fed Nandor. "I always keep a handkerchief on me." Nandor took an embroidered silk handkerchief out of his pocket and went to work on the glasses. 

-CLINK-

Nandor had accidentally made a small crack in the corner of Guillermo's glasses. 

"Oops. That must be my cursed handkerchief," Nandor said with a sheepish grin, handing them back to Guillermo with a shrug. "Don't worry. I'll buy you new ones."

"You don't need to. I was due for a new pair anyways." Guillermo thought that while he and Nandor had a truce, it would be best not to anger him.

"No, no, it's the least I could do after you found me dinner," Nandor said, sitting very close to Guillermo on the bench. Guillermo was relieved, as he had very little money in his bank account and frequently had to pitch in to pay for his abuela's medication.

Nandor towered over the smaller man, to the point where Guillermo had to crane his neck to look him in the eye. It was like looking at a playful tiger. 

"Um.... While I appreciate that you kind of.,, saved my balls back there. Why have you been following me for the past two weeks?" Guillermo asked, standing up. "Also, how the hell can you do all of that?!" He started pacing and running his hands through his hair. 

Nandor crossed his legs nonchalantly as if he was being interviewed. "Well first off, hello, I'm Nandor the Relentless, I was a very ferocious soldier in the Ottoman Empire, and I'm 747 years old. Oh, and also I'm a vampire!" He punctuated the last word with jazz hands and a flash of his fangs. Guillermo stopped pacing and gazed at the ridiculous man before him and put his hands on his hips.

"G-good to know. But that doesn't answer my question. Why the hell have you been following me and scaring me half to death every night?" At this point Guillermo had started wagging his finger at the vampire. 

Nandor started to look ashamed of himself. He uncrossed his legs, leaning forward on his knees and looking at the ground. "Wellllllll you seeeeeeee......... We vampires have a particular taste for....pure blood. Specifically virgin blood." Nandor looked up with embarrassed puppy dog eyes and that sheepish smile of his. "I can smell you from a mile away,"

Guillermo took a few steps back and grabbed his taser again. "Why didn't I think of this. You want to eat me! My fucking god, why did you drag this out for so long?!"

"No, no, no. Well yes, originally. But to be honest.... I saw more in you than a meal. It's pointless to kill a bloodhound," Guillermo noticed that he spoke with his hands a lot, especially when he was nervous. 

"What do you mean I'm a fucking bloodhound?! Do I look like a dog to you?" Guillermo could feel his hair falling out, his blood pooling in his feet.

"Not a dog. Virgins lead to more virgins. Where a virgin goes, there are more to follow," Nandor gave him a pleasant smirk. "Also you are.... not unpleasant to look at,"

Guillermo came to a realization. "My DnD group. That's why they stopped showing up! I thought it was just my abuela's cooking," he sat back down on the bench, speaking into his hands. "Forgive me, Abuela,"

"Well, all except for that goth girl. She gave me the heebie-jeebies." Nandor said with a shiver. 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Stephanie made a pact with the devil to give her critical saves," Guillermo said to himself. Nandor looked at him credulously.

"What is 'a critical save'?" He asked, drawing closer to him as if Guillermo had a grand secret.

"It's a virgin thing," He replied. "Now that I know about you, why haven't you killed me?"

"Well, I could use some assistance with some of my affairs," Nandor said, leaning back again, his arm behind Guillermo's back. 

"Oh so you're hoping I agree to be your butler," Guillermo said. He could not believe the gall of this man, stalking him, killing his friends, murdering on his street and now wanting him to be his servant.

"Not a butler. Familiar. You live with me for free, help me carry out my bidding, find me and my friends virgins, and I eventually turn you into a vampire. Ultimate strength and power!"

"Why do you think I would agree to that?!"

"Look at how you're dressed. Isn't there something you want? Something you're missing? Do you ever want to feel like you felt, that coward's knife against your cock, ever again?"

Guillermo took a moment to breathe. He was on a rollercoaster, and couldn't get his bearings. He started to hyperventilate, rocking back and forth. He always thought that he was destined for more. But does he want to live a life surrounded by this?!

"Oh no, I've broken you. Sh, sh, let's go get some coffee. I know a great place a few blocks away," Nandor stood up and placed a hand on Guillermo's shoulder, leading him towards the coffee shop.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guillermo learns more about being a vampire and starts to get more familiar with Nandor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, don't worry, I'll eventually skip back to modern day to show how their relationship works in context of the show. I just think little baby Guillermo is so cute.

As Nandor led Guillermo down the street, he kept one hand on his back and rubbed small circles. While he hadn't been a father in years, he remembered that this helped most of his kids when they were freaking out. Nandor was considered a very unorthodox father for his time. 

Guillermo was feeling much better, but Nandor's hand on his back made him feel self-conscious. "Hey, please don't touch me, it makes it worse,"

Nandor slowly lowered his hand. He didn't want to make Guillermo uncomfortable. He buttoned up his coat to hide the bloodstain on his shirt and started to gather his long hair into a bun, accidentally leaving a curly piece in the front. One problem though, the lower half of his face was covered in blood. Guillermo reached into his bag and pulled out a makeup wipe, the ones he used to take off Halloween makeup. He handed one to Nandor. Nandor stopped in his tracks, looking down at the wipe and back up to Guillermo, a thick eyebrow raised, one curl dangling in his face.

"And what is this for, my friend?" 

"The blood. Wipe your face or you'll freak everyone out,"

Nandor was surprised at how easy the blood came off, but the wipe left a slight chemical taste around his mouth. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He left a huge splatter at the top of his cheek.

"Let me," Guillermo said, pulling out another wipe and dabbing at his face. He took both of the spoiled wipes and tossed them in the nearest bin. He put his hands in his pocket, slumping his shoulders and trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Nandor's strides were about twice his, so Guillermo basically had to jog to catch up. He wasn't quite sure why he was going along with this, but he was pretty sure that shock and self-preservation has something to do with it. 

They approached a 24-hour coffee shop, dimly lit with only a few college students working next to outlets inside. The barista was hunched over writing notes. Guillermo instantly recognized him as a friend from his art history class. 

"Sean. I didn't know you worked here!" Guillermo said, perking up a little at a familiar face. Sean wore as stylish blue button down shirt, ripped jeans and converse, with multiple ear piercings. He was very slender and was average height. Guillermo thought he was cute, but not someone he would want to date. A little too pretty.

"Yeah, I work nights to pay rent. It's usually pretty dead, so I have time to study," he said with an embarrassed smile. He tucked his curly bleached hair behind his ear. "Who's this? An uncle?" 

"No, no, my friend," Nandor replied, stepping forward, "I'm his neighbor. N-Ned," He reached out and shook Sean's hand. Guillermo could tell that he put a little muscle into it, trying to intimidate the smaller man. Sean rubbed his hand a little bit, looking at Nandor nervously. 

"Well, Ned, it's nice to meet you. Do you both want anything to drink?"

"Nothing for me, friend. What about you?" Nandor leaned on the table and gestured to Guillermo.

"I'll take a small mocha," Guillermo said, pulling out a ten-dollar bill. 

"No, no, I'll pay," Nandor pulled out an ancient gold coin.

"Nandor- I mean 'Ned'. I don't think he can take that," Guillermo said, trying to hand Sean his money. 

"This is so cool! Is this a Persian coin? I'll pay with my own money if you let me keep this, Ned," Sean replied, holding the coin up to the florescent lights. 

"Absolutely, my friend," Nandor replied with a wink, finding a shadowy booth to sit in. Guillermo gave an apologetic look to Sean and followed Nandor. It was a little humorous to see such a dark, imposing man sit in a plastic booth with retro designs. Guillermo sat across from him, feeling oddly like he was in a job interview. 

"Feeling better yet?" Nandor asked with a toothy grin.

"Um... I don't think you're going to kill me anymore. So that's a plus?" Guillermo said, playing with the ruffles in his costume and tracing the grain patterns in the wooden table with his eyes. 

"That's one of the biggest pluses of them all!" Nandor had sprawled his arms against the top of the booth, one leg over the other, pressing his knee against to edge of the table. Guillermo thought that he made it a point to seem as big as possible. 

Sean brought Guillermo his coffee, he had drawn a little smiley face with the foam. "I hope you guys have a good night," he said with a wink, patting Guillermo on the shoulder. "I'll see you in class Wednesday." 

Guillermo sipped on his mocha, wiping the foam off his upper lip. "Okay. I'm a little better now."

"So. Now that we're a little more, how you say, relaxed, let's talk about the terms of our agreement," he said, leaning forward and putting his hands together.

"Why do you think I'll say yes to this? It seems like you need me a lot more than I need you," Guillermo said, leaning back and crossing his arms. 

"Well clearly, a little human virgin like yourself would be thrilled to be in the presence of an awe-inspiring vampire such as me." Nandor made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, y'know, obviously you could benefit from my protection, and eventually you will gain powers such as mine," Nandor said with jazz hands.

"I'm calling bullshit," Guillermo said, taking another gulp of coffee. "You would never turn me. You'd just keep me around to do your dirty work, until I die or get annoying enough to eat me,"

"That's not true!" Nandor whispered angrily, "I keep my word. And also," he looked Guillermo up and down. "That would be a waste of flesh,"

Guillermo had had it. Finishing his coffee in a few gulps he stood up. "I'm tired of this. I don't need this," 

He stormed out of the coffee shop, refusing to look back. He heard Nandor open the door and look out after him, but he didn't follow. 

"Good. Maybe he's got the message."


End file.
